I have been thinking about how broken people, eventually, end up hurting other broken people.
It is the nature of our sinful condition. Even when we try our hardest to do the right thing, to love well, to serve. To build up others, to encourage them. Somewhere along the line, inevitably our sin and the consequences thereof will spill over into the lives of others. Sadly, often, by the time we recognize what is happening, it is too late. The damage has been done. The brokenness has wreaked havoc.
I have been keenly aware of how we can pray and plead and cry out. Only for our fragile hearts to convince us that our petitions are hitting the ceiling. That God no longer hears, that He no longer cares.
I have wondered about my deep need to take away the pain of others. As if I know best. As if I can determine what valleys they need to shape them and what suffering will be used for their good. I try to play the role of God in their lives when I want to fix their circumstances. Instead of using my empty hands to lift them up in prayer, I try to lift them up in my own strength.
I've been wrestling with God in prayer. Wrestling about the fact that the changing of hearts of stone to hearts of flesh belongs to the Lord alone. The thing about wrestling with God is that inevitably you will loose.
I've been thinking how in seasons of darkness, joy can feel like a very strange concept. In this I have been challenged by the fact that my circumstances should not determine how much hope I carry.
Sometimes the Lord asks us to walk through the wilderness.
Grief is heart wrenching and the cost of this Christian life very high.
But I'm praying for you. For your heart to be renewed and strengthened. For your faith to prevail. For your joy to be in Christ. For His steadfast love to be your hiding place.
And I know, despite what this world is telling me, that beauty can come from the most unexpected places. For a seed to bear fruit, it needs to break open. Christ had to die, so that we may be reconciled to the Father.
It seems so opposite and upside down and sometimes pain seems so unnecessary and unfair. I don't understand why we walk through deep valleys and why some mountains seem impossible to climb. But I trust the Lord knows. That He is sovereign and in control.
I trust that He will heal all the hurting places and make something beautiful out of this messy thing called life.
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